You Don't Need to Hit Rock Bottom to Redefine Success
For a long time, I thought being busy was the proof. Proof I was successful, proof I was needed, proof I mattered. I could point to a full calendar and a job I loved and tell myself that was the same thing as a life that functioned smoothly. It wasn't. It took a full-blown manic episode at 28 for me to see the difference, and I share my journey in hopes of helping other people - mental health diagnosis or not - take better care of themselves, especially their mental health.
This episode of Success, Rewritten is a solo one. No guest, just me reflecting on a recent trip to the Pool Nation Women's Summit, the keynote I gave there, and the handful of lessons that still stick with me every time I present it. I'm not going to walk through the entire talk here, but I do want to share the parts that people keep coming back to me about, because they apply whether or not you've ever set foot in a mental health hospital.
When "success" is actually burnout
I open the keynote talking about my early career, what I call the “raging 20s”. On paper, I was thriving. I was the person getting everything done, the one people relied on, the one who never turned it off. What I didn't see is that the busier I got, the more I equated it with authority and value. I thought how busy you were was how much you mattered.
I've noticed this lands hard with moms in the audience, because it's the same reflex. Of course I'm going to do what my kid needs. I felt that way about my job. Of course I'm going to work all the time, this is what I love. And underneath it, I was draining and depleting myself so much that I'd end big conferences completely spent, sometimes sobbing when my boss asked how it went.
When mania looks like productivity
The hardest part to explain is that at first, the mania (and often hypo-mania) looked like efficiency. Work thought I was doing great - I was getting all this stuff done! The day before I was hospitalized, I was on calls with coworkers and no one knew anything was wrong, because me going a mile a minute was beneficial to everyone around me. I'd have a passing thought like, maybe I need a therapist, and then decide I was too busy to prioritize it.
Here's what that taught me in hindsight: no one is going to manage your output but you. Your workplace benefits from your overextension. Your calendar will happily stay full. If you're waiting for someone else to tell you to slow down, you may be waiting for a crisis to do it for you.
The breaking point I didn't choose
I want to be honest about how bad it got. Going on medical leave, checking myself into a facility, getting treatment, those weren't calm, considered decisions I made because it felt like the right time. I got to a full breaking point. Strapped to a hospital bed and sedated, a week of inpatient treatment followed by 7 weeks of outpatient treatment, three months of medical leave. The only way I could return to work was to set firm boundaries and actually keep them. No getting on my computer before 9:00am, wrapping things up at 6:00pm.
The whole experience, the diagnosis and everything after, is the reason this show is called what it is. I had to rewrite my definition of success at every stage, including the layoff that came 7+ years later. Because for me, success used to be output. Being needed, being expected somewhere to perform, never turning it off.
You don't need a diagnosis to change
This is the line I care about most, and it's the one I leave every audience with: you do not need a diagnosis for this to positively or negatively impact you. My episode forced me. I did not have a choice, and I'm grateful, because I don't think I would have made that choice on my own. Most people won't get forced. That's exactly why you have to choose it before you're forced.
I hate to be graphic, but if you were hit by a bus today, you would not be at work tomorrow. So if you're not feeling good today and you need a little separation, take it. You're going to come back better.
Build a structure you can return to
None of this is about doing it my way. It's about building a structure that you can return to when you feel off. My average sleep score the week of the Women’s Summit was a 65. Brutal. But I can't let one bad week, or one of my habits breaking down, become the reason I stop trying the next day. Sustainability is the whole point.
A few starting places I give people: protect the beginning and end of your day, where you're not looking at email or doing work. You need that time to get into your day, and you need it at night to power down before you expect yourself to sleep. And learn to cancel or reschedule without spiraling, and to use it as a reset instead of evidence that you failed. When you first set these boundaries, you have to trust the process before you feel and see the positive effects.
Why the room mattered
I'll end where the trip did. The Pool Nation Women's Summit was the fifth they've done, an all-women room from every corner of the pool industry, and there was something safe about it that made connection feel natural. It was my first time giving this keynote in person, actually being with the audience before and after. The room poured back into me in a way that I could have never expected. Doreen King and the Pool Nation team built an experience around education, awareness, and personal development, and I didn't leave the same person who walked in.
That's the reminder I want to pass on. Human connection cannot be beat. It's great to tune in and listen to something like this, but if you can sit in a room with people and hear their stories and share your own, do it. It's what lets us look at our own lives, think about our resilience differently, and redefine success along the way.
New episodes of Success, Rewritten every Tuesday. Reach Emily at emily@successrewrittenshow.com or successrewrittenshow.com.
Watch the solo episode on YouTube, or listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts.
